Maybe I'm just feeling a bit antsy but...
One of my coworkers who is 21 just got engaged.
Rachel's cousin, who is 18, just got engaged.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Is it just me, or is it a bit too young? I mean, I personally respect the fact that everyone wants different things in life, but I can't help but feel that I'd run away FAST if I was purposed to at this age.
Rachel and my devil's advocate Sean said it would all depend for them, you know, if you've been dating for a year or so, why not?
Gosh, am I horrible if I say that regardless, I would not be willing to tie the knot at that age even so?
I mean, I start to feel like I'm being unappreciative of my right to even marry whom I choose seeing as there are plenty of people out there who can't but...I have to look at this selfishly and know that I cannot be trusted to be tied down at an age where I have not had a chance to accomplish and go for my dreams.
Am I afraid of commitment? Relationships? Someone else?
I feel like a wild horse, not willing to be tamed. I strongly believe that if I were ever to be in a relationship, my significant other would find it difficult to come up with reasons to break up with me. Thus fueling my fear that I would be stuck, on the first boyfriend.
So silly and irrational, but it's not like I want to go run around with multiple guys, I just feel like I won't know what I truely want after only a relationship or two and CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
By that I mean, after I'm in a commited relationship, I feel like I'd see something else and want that instead. Horrible me.
But that's just kinda who I am I think. I was just kind of sitting around yesterday, thinking about being stuck in Minnesota my whole life and that thought freaked me out. I've gotta get out of here eventually. I've gotta live many places. I've gotta travel the world. I have to be free, if if I get tied down before I can fly free, I know that I'd spend the rest of my life feeling like a caged bird and would grow to feel resentment towards my significant other. Unless of course he was willing to run around with me, that'd be great. But still...
What if my guy isn't in Minnesota? That would haunt me forever.
But maybe all of this is just a reflection of my own independence from relationships? I don't feel like I need them to be happy, obviously, or I would have had one by now. I think it's unfortunate that I can't seem to find any lasting good in them, since I find it hard to believe that my dream guy could possibly exist. Ah, I just can't imagine being tied down at my age is all. It sounds completely crazy to me!
I really do want to go all over the place though. I do feel like the peace corp would satisfy me in that aspect, along with the whole 'making a difference'. But I also want to chase my dreams, and I know I can't successfully do that in Minnesota. I know I won't be leaving any time soon, but I have to promise myself I won't sit here and rot. I don't want to regret a thing in life. When I get married, I want to be completely satisfied and confident that what I'm doing is truely good for me and him and that it would only add to the many beautiful things in my life rather then hinder.
Anyways, I'm really feeling like my Heroine's Journey is ready to kick off soon. Hence the Call to Adventure. ;)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
SENSHI CRYSTAL POWER MAKEUP!!!
I have had this strange change of direction in thought.
You know as well as I do that I do not, in fact, despise animé. I rather like it, actually. I just don't like the way it's been bastardized by Western consumption and consequently stifling the individualistic qualities of art pioneered in the U.S. of A. in almost everything we do.
But I was thinking about it, and I know that there are Western influences in all this animé. To the credit of real, legit artists and creative entrepreneurs, the artists who were very successful in manga and animé actually drew on Western traditions!
Ah! My Goddess, one of the most visually brilliant Japanese comic I have ever beheld, is authored and illustrated by one Kosuke Fujishima, who is greatly influenced by the Art Nouveau movement, which was fathered by one of my favorite poster artists, Alfons Mucha. A lot of my art is illustrative and decorative, which is sometimes frowned upon in the art world. But I draw heavily on the Art Nouveau movement! So did that genius of a rendering prodigy and storytelling master, Kosuke Fujishima!
And, of course, before it was cruelly gang-raped by rampant shônen fan-peeps eager for franchises upon which they might feast, animé held vast sentimental value to many of us.
Remember when Sailor Moon's popularity peaked in the mid-90s? Remember Tenchi? Remember Dragonball before that one dude's power REACHED FUCKING LEVEL 9000?!?!
I miss those days. Perhaps it's a generational thing. Perhaps that exceedingly fast-moving pace of the consumerist Eastern entertainment world is just flying by so fast that everything I loved before is quickly being outdated to obsolescence? Is that... why I feel...
...so darned OLD?!?!
While I may only enjoy very few of the things the kids are watching these days, my heart will always belong to Naoko Takeuchi's masterwork, SAILOR MOON.
On my own blog and my deviantart, I have been doing a series of digitally painted drawings of the Sailor Senshi.
My loves forever.
YAY FIXAGE ZOMG EXCITEMENT
Dearest Sophia (I'ma start usin' all three syllables now!),
I have just reformatted the blog so that you get e-mail notifications every time I comment on your posts! That way, you won't have to come back here and check every time you think I might have responded! WHOOT!
This is Trungles,
Mad-streamlining the rate
at which we communicate
Love and Peace!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Reflective.
My very best friend here at Hamline, Sydney, wrote up a questionnaire that really made me rethink my whole self...
Since you're one of the most important women in my life, I thought I should share ^_^
1.Are you content with life? Why or why not?
2.What does it mean to be an adult?
3.Why did your last relationship end? (I know I already asked this. I know.)
4.Most rigid change in your opinions on something/values in the last year?
5.What has been your biggest accomplishment in the past year?
6.Happiest you’ve been this year/why?
7.Most depressed you’ve been this year/why?
8.Do you feel you are resistant to change?
9.What do you really think of Hamline? I mean REALLY think of Hamline?
10. Greatest discovery this year?
2.What does it mean to be an adult?
3.Why did your last relationship end? (I know I already asked this. I know.)
4.Most rigid change in your opinions on something/values in the last year?
5.What has been your biggest accomplishment in the past year?
6.Happiest you’ve been this year/why?
7.Most depressed you’ve been this year/why?
8.Do you feel you are resistant to change?
9.What do you really think of Hamline? I mean REALLY think of Hamline?
10. Greatest discovery this year?
Those were the questions. Here were my answers:
1. I'm pretty pleased with my life. However, as much as I am pleased with the level of comfort and ease of my living conditions, it often feels as though none of the things I have accomplished have ever been accomplished as a product of my own individual agency. Where I live, the clothes I wear, the food I eat are all things I have a say in choosing, but they're all provided by my parents. I'm gonna get me a little job and start making enough pocket change to afford my own clothes, howzabout? It'd be a nice reprieve from being a dependent brat.
2. Maybe I'm in the process of actually committing to growing up, since I'm all antsy about this independence thing. Maybe being a grownup has to do with getting your own shit done. It entails a lot of knowing whose opinions matter and whose don't... whose advice to follow and when you gotta make up your own mind.
3. Last time, it was because I was starting to take someone seriously who probably shouldn't be taken seriously. I was weirdly attracted to his personality; he had a charming way of straddling pompous arrogance and self-assured confidence. In the end, though, he didn't embody any of those grownup qualities for which I have this shitty-ass sense of yearning. In short, he wasn't ready to be an adult. That and the chain-smoking was eventually going to kill him and take me with him. Now I have the opposite problem... a really nice guy with his life pretty together... and a personality that lacks charisma. Eh... you can't have it all, right? It might also have to do with the fact that I'm probably way more selfish than I like to admit. I'm really over the idea of giving things up to make someone else happy just because I claim the "boyfriend" label. If I'm not happy, something's clearly wrong, and I'm gonna figure it out for myself. Besides, if you forget yourself because you're way too concerned about the other person, who's gonna be there for you when it's all over if not yourself? I want to be there for me because I can entrust my own happiness to myself more so than any other person in the world.
4. I am now a romantic with hope as opposed to a hopeless romantic? Like, honestly, I had the romantic aspirations of a twelve-year-old girl obsessed with Twilight before college. That's pretty gross. Feelings are nice, but sometimes you gotta think about what you're getting yourself into quantifying feelings is tough, but put I'm gonna have to put a little thought into it.
5. Uh... the things I accomplished probably only matter to me. My biggest accomplishments usually pretty personal things. As far as events, that Take Back the Night stuff was pretty hefty.
6. I figured out how to use Amazon, and I ordered a shit ton of VHS tapes from my childhood. Also, I found Midway books, and I spent a good twenty minutes sniffing the pages of books that far outdated me. That was euphoric.
7. Ooh! Ooh! David was being an insensitive jerk one night, and he mentioned something to the effect that nobody can reclaim their childhood once it's gone, and that was what I had spent my entire first year in college trying to accomplish. I "forgave" him for it, but I still harbor a very deep-seated sense of resentment toward him for that very reason. Yes, I hold a grudge.
8. YES. I might be a liberal-minded person, but I will change and change until I achieve comfort, and if comfort changes, I just hate it. Yes, ideologically, I'm very left. I'm annoyingly pre-packaged Hamline material, depressingly enough, but I also happen to be very temperamentally conservative. Sure, I value justice and equality. Those are all nice things, but, personally (and perhaps a little selfishly), I treasure stability and safety. This sort of ideological conflict is a lot of times reflected in my relationships. Probably part of the reason why I ♥ Sydney oodles and oodles is because, if we had to box her in somewhere, she is considered "liberal," but we know that's a gross generalization we all make. I'll welcome change so long as it isn't a detriment to my happiness and well-being. If my neighbors want to smoke weed, that's awesome. It doesn't affect me. If my neighbors have a polyamorous relationship, more power to them. If my neighbors are into some really kinky shit, I encourage them to do whatever makes them happy. That idea of "progression" and "acceptance" is so outdated. Those things should be a given because I can understand that other people are doing things for their own happiness, and I can respect that they're not stepping on my toes or anyone else's to achieve that satisfaction. However, if something I could depend very reliably goes through an unprecedented change because of some stupid idea that someone else's well-being takes precedence over mine, then I'm going to Wal-Mart and buying me a rifle.
9. Hamline is comfortable enough... for me. I know a lot of people take issue with the environment at Hamline, but it hasn't bothered me, personally. I do hate the bureaucratic nonsense of the administration and of HUSC, and I certainly do not respect the way the admins have decided to address certain issues on campus (the blog thing). However, I won't say I don't like it here. There are other places I could be, and I know for a fact that I'm happiest here. I may not be perfectly and indisputably happy all the time here, but, hey, I appreciate what I got.
10. My roommate sets the highest standard of any guy I've ever been with, and he's straight. FML.
2. Maybe I'm in the process of actually committing to growing up, since I'm all antsy about this independence thing. Maybe being a grownup has to do with getting your own shit done. It entails a lot of knowing whose opinions matter and whose don't... whose advice to follow and when you gotta make up your own mind.
3. Last time, it was because I was starting to take someone seriously who probably shouldn't be taken seriously. I was weirdly attracted to his personality; he had a charming way of straddling pompous arrogance and self-assured confidence. In the end, though, he didn't embody any of those grownup qualities for which I have this shitty-ass sense of yearning. In short, he wasn't ready to be an adult. That and the chain-smoking was eventually going to kill him and take me with him. Now I have the opposite problem... a really nice guy with his life pretty together... and a personality that lacks charisma. Eh... you can't have it all, right? It might also have to do with the fact that I'm probably way more selfish than I like to admit. I'm really over the idea of giving things up to make someone else happy just because I claim the "boyfriend" label. If I'm not happy, something's clearly wrong, and I'm gonna figure it out for myself. Besides, if you forget yourself because you're way too concerned about the other person, who's gonna be there for you when it's all over if not yourself? I want to be there for me because I can entrust my own happiness to myself more so than any other person in the world.
4. I am now a romantic with hope as opposed to a hopeless romantic? Like, honestly, I had the romantic aspirations of a twelve-year-old girl obsessed with Twilight before college. That's pretty gross. Feelings are nice, but sometimes you gotta think about what you're getting yourself into quantifying feelings is tough, but put I'm gonna have to put a little thought into it.
5. Uh... the things I accomplished probably only matter to me. My biggest accomplishments usually pretty personal things. As far as events, that Take Back the Night stuff was pretty hefty.
6. I figured out how to use Amazon, and I ordered a shit ton of VHS tapes from my childhood. Also, I found Midway books, and I spent a good twenty minutes sniffing the pages of books that far outdated me. That was euphoric.
7. Ooh! Ooh! David was being an insensitive jerk one night, and he mentioned something to the effect that nobody can reclaim their childhood once it's gone, and that was what I had spent my entire first year in college trying to accomplish. I "forgave" him for it, but I still harbor a very deep-seated sense of resentment toward him for that very reason. Yes, I hold a grudge.
8. YES. I might be a liberal-minded person, but I will change and change until I achieve comfort, and if comfort changes, I just hate it. Yes, ideologically, I'm very left. I'm annoyingly pre-packaged Hamline material, depressingly enough, but I also happen to be very temperamentally conservative. Sure, I value justice and equality. Those are all nice things, but, personally (and perhaps a little selfishly), I treasure stability and safety. This sort of ideological conflict is a lot of times reflected in my relationships. Probably part of the reason why I ♥ Sydney oodles and oodles is because, if we had to box her in somewhere, she is considered "liberal," but we know that's a gross generalization we all make. I'll welcome change so long as it isn't a detriment to my happiness and well-being. If my neighbors want to smoke weed, that's awesome. It doesn't affect me. If my neighbors have a polyamorous relationship, more power to them. If my neighbors are into some really kinky shit, I encourage them to do whatever makes them happy. That idea of "progression" and "acceptance" is so outdated. Those things should be a given because I can understand that other people are doing things for their own happiness, and I can respect that they're not stepping on my toes or anyone else's to achieve that satisfaction. However, if something I could depend very reliably goes through an unprecedented change because of some stupid idea that someone else's well-being takes precedence over mine, then I'm going to Wal-Mart and buying me a rifle.
9. Hamline is comfortable enough... for me. I know a lot of people take issue with the environment at Hamline, but it hasn't bothered me, personally. I do hate the bureaucratic nonsense of the administration and of HUSC, and I certainly do not respect the way the admins have decided to address certain issues on campus (the blog thing). However, I won't say I don't like it here. There are other places I could be, and I know for a fact that I'm happiest here. I may not be perfectly and indisputably happy all the time here, but, hey, I appreciate what I got.
10. My roommate sets the highest standard of any guy I've ever been with, and he's straight. FML.
Ta-da!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Another World
So I have a lot of free time to think about things at work...
One idea that is really swimming around in my head is Another World.
Waaay back when I used to draw a lot of little doodles and show them to my parents because they would make me feel better about myself with their lovely shower of compliments. They would tell me that I should be an animator, and I could go work for Disney. We would toss this idea around for years, especially with the prospect of my father wanting to move the family to Florida as soon as he could afford it.
I didn't really think any of it until now. Not that I think my drawing is capable of reaching that calibar, but I've been very vocal about wanting to be a flash artist. I have so many ideas and things that I really want to create, but I just don't know how.
Anyways, I've always wanted to make a Disney movie too. I feel like Disney movies aren't the same as they used to be. There's no powerful message, no meaningful songs. They're just not as magical as they used to be.
So I would wonder, what the heck would my Disney movie be about? All of the classics are based off of fairytales, mythology, and reknown tales. What is there that is left that would make for a powerful story?
Well at work I was tossing an idea around in my head. I love all of the classics, and I really don't think it could get any better then that. Soooooo, what if:
-I drew all my inspiration from the classics, blended all of them together storywise. Ohhh man it would be really tough to do, and to do it right. But that's what I love about the idea. It would take a lot of really hard work, and that's what I want to do! Plus it'd be sort of paying tribute to the classics in a modern/futuristic view.
-It would be set in a sort of pop-futuristic fantasy world. Think, space or something. I don't think Disney has gone there yet, and I definately have a thing for space epics. XD
-Because of the setting, I could really play around with the score and the music. I could go heavily electronic or industrial. It would be something Disney movies have never seen before. Or it could just be heavy pop orientated. Either way, it's a sound that is becoming more popular with our generation, and I think using that in a film as iconic as Disney would speak volumes for our musical developments. That way it would sound more modern, and less...I don't know, obviously trying to be a musical song? I want the music to fit the scenario well.
-I've already got a few characters already mapped out as well. Two of them I've had with me since 7th and 8th grade respectively, and haven't really known where to actually PUT THEM to make them alive. I really feel like this would be the perfect place for them. Seriously, while I'm working, the characters are pretty much writing everything for themselves. It's like watching a mini-series in my head, they way they already have established relationships with each other and how they bounce off each other creatively.
Yeaaaah. Those are just some of my ideas for 'my Disney Movie'. I seem to have taken a liking to calling it "Another World" in my head. Who knows if this will ever happen, but I'm sure it'll keep changing and evolving from here.
Now that I have some free time in the summer,- well, actually not really. With my free time, I want to give it up to learning how I can actually make this happen. XD I'm looking into taking some summer classes, hopefully they will give me some help with all of this. Then I want to self teach flash, and improve my drawing. There was also this music program I found that I was messing around with and creating all these heavy electronic beats. I'd love to make the music too.
YEAH! So. This is my new project. It'll definately keep me busy, but I really feel like I need to stay motivated on this one and kick it out rather then letting it sit in my mind and die. o.O
One idea that is really swimming around in my head is Another World.
Waaay back when I used to draw a lot of little doodles and show them to my parents because they would make me feel better about myself with their lovely shower of compliments. They would tell me that I should be an animator, and I could go work for Disney. We would toss this idea around for years, especially with the prospect of my father wanting to move the family to Florida as soon as he could afford it.
I didn't really think any of it until now. Not that I think my drawing is capable of reaching that calibar, but I've been very vocal about wanting to be a flash artist. I have so many ideas and things that I really want to create, but I just don't know how.
Anyways, I've always wanted to make a Disney movie too. I feel like Disney movies aren't the same as they used to be. There's no powerful message, no meaningful songs. They're just not as magical as they used to be.
So I would wonder, what the heck would my Disney movie be about? All of the classics are based off of fairytales, mythology, and reknown tales. What is there that is left that would make for a powerful story?
Well at work I was tossing an idea around in my head. I love all of the classics, and I really don't think it could get any better then that. Soooooo, what if:
-I drew all my inspiration from the classics, blended all of them together storywise. Ohhh man it would be really tough to do, and to do it right. But that's what I love about the idea. It would take a lot of really hard work, and that's what I want to do! Plus it'd be sort of paying tribute to the classics in a modern/futuristic view.
-It would be set in a sort of pop-futuristic fantasy world. Think, space or something. I don't think Disney has gone there yet, and I definately have a thing for space epics. XD
-Because of the setting, I could really play around with the score and the music. I could go heavily electronic or industrial. It would be something Disney movies have never seen before. Or it could just be heavy pop orientated. Either way, it's a sound that is becoming more popular with our generation, and I think using that in a film as iconic as Disney would speak volumes for our musical developments. That way it would sound more modern, and less...I don't know, obviously trying to be a musical song? I want the music to fit the scenario well.
-I've already got a few characters already mapped out as well. Two of them I've had with me since 7th and 8th grade respectively, and haven't really known where to actually PUT THEM to make them alive. I really feel like this would be the perfect place for them. Seriously, while I'm working, the characters are pretty much writing everything for themselves. It's like watching a mini-series in my head, they way they already have established relationships with each other and how they bounce off each other creatively.
Yeaaaah. Those are just some of my ideas for 'my Disney Movie'. I seem to have taken a liking to calling it "Another World" in my head. Who knows if this will ever happen, but I'm sure it'll keep changing and evolving from here.
Now that I have some free time in the summer,- well, actually not really. With my free time, I want to give it up to learning how I can actually make this happen. XD I'm looking into taking some summer classes, hopefully they will give me some help with all of this. Then I want to self teach flash, and improve my drawing. There was also this music program I found that I was messing around with and creating all these heavy electronic beats. I'd love to make the music too.
YEAH! So. This is my new project. It'll definately keep me busy, but I really feel like I need to stay motivated on this one and kick it out rather then letting it sit in my mind and die. o.O
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